The joy of sects
There may not be a monoculture but there is a universal American archetype
Our greatest hero, George Washington, called New Englanders under his command “exceedingly dirty and nasty people,” though he figured they’d fight well “if properly officered.” One Virginia unit of riflemen rebelled against his military discipline so hard they had to be surrounded and disarmed. “Such a dirty, mercenary spirit pervades the whole,” Washington complained, “that I should not be at all surprised at any disaster that may happen.”
Jonah Goldberg’s recent G-File explored the lack of a monoculture in America, given our balkanized existence and online venom. I would agree, marching through Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” version of the 1950s to the 80s, and the Millennial follow-on by Fallout Boy, that the good old days weren’t always good, and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems. (Keepin’ the Faith, Billy.) But I do think George Washington had a point about Americans, and not just because he was a Virginia gentleman and a former officer under the King of England.
Washington’s greatest fear is that “sects” and the -isms that follow from political sectarianism, parties and the like, would result in a dysfunctional America that could not properly govern itself. He valued the discipline of unity, but the rabble he commanded in throwing off the chains of monarchy would never sacrifice its independent spirit to live harmoniously.
In 1776, Congress appointed the three most famous—and loquacious—fathers of our country to come up with a Great Seal and appropriate heraldry. They sought out Pierre Eugène du Simitière, a Swiss artist who historians say came up with “E Pluribus Unum” to design the seal. Congress rejected the design, but approved the wording for the Great Seal. From 1782, the national motto was “Out of many, one,” until Congress replaced it with “In God we Trust” in 1956.
Perhaps, our motto should have been “E Pluribus Pluribus” instead, because it’s been “out of many, many” all along, due to the “dirty, mercenary spirit” we all share. If there’s a “Unum” to us, it’s our ability to not get along while we achieve great things. In this, I tend to agree with Jonah, that our archetypes, like John Wayne, the cowboy, the rebel without a cause, the mobster, the suburban housewife, the hard-bitten cop, only apply to fractions of the country.
But there was one example Jonah used that rang my happy bell: Bugs Bunny. (Credit where credit is due, the idea came to him from Chris Stirewalt.) Because Bugs is “wry, skeptical of authority, and wily,” just like Americans. In fact, the whole Bugs Bunny thing reminds me of the people behind the pesky wabbit. Bugs didn’t animate himself, after all (ain’t I a stinker?). And that reminds me of a story.
Growing up near Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, one of my friends told me a story of a frequent visitor to the summer resort area, Mel Blanc. Mel was the the voice of Looney Tunes, and the most famous—Bugs himself. Now this story has also been documented other places, so I am sure it’s true, though the way it’s told may vary.
For many years, Mel Blanc had the California vanity plate “KMIT.” Most people would just assume it was initials or perhaps the call letters of a radio station. The story goes that one California DMV person inquired as to the meaning and Mel told him it was an old Jewish proverb, “Know Me In Truth” and the guy accepted that explanation and moved on. But my friend, and others who were always in on the joke, knew it stood for “Kish Mir In Tuchas,” which is Yiddish for “Kiss My Ass.”
Mel Blanc drove around the country for decades with “Kiss My Ass” on his license plate. I suppose the Hollywood (Jewish) moguls who cared to know, knew what it meant and laughed, even if they didn’t get along with Mel. Yes, the story is mildly funny, especially for those steeped in Jewish culture. My mother could swear a sailor into embarrassment in Yiddish, which is a language so rich in invectives and curses that you’d think it was designed for that purpose.
I immediately thought of KMIT when I read Jonah’s essay and mention of Bugs Bunny as the universal American archetype. It’s not Bugs, it’s the motto behind him. When our founding fathers put “out of many, one” on our Great Seal, they weren’t necessarily referencing some lofty goal of the colonies joining together in some great, unified vision. I’m not saying that they didn’t intend to mean that heavenly goal as something to be desired, but I am saying they realized that Americans are unified by our many-ness. And if there’s one phrase that quintessentially enfolds the American spirit of unity, it’s “Kiss My Ass.”
Lexington and Concord? Kish Mir In Tuchas!
War of 1812 when the Canadians burned the White House and John Paul Jones “I have not yet begun to fight” against Serapis? Kish Mir In Tuchas!
Westward expansion into the wilderness? Tell that wilderness, Kish Mir In Tuchas!
The entirety of the rebellion of the southern states was one big Kish Mir In Tuchas! The response of the northern states was to tell the rebels Kish Mir In Tuchas!
World War I? Tell Europe to Kish Mir In Tuchas!
World War II? Tell Hitler and Hirohito, Kish Mir In Tuchas!
The Black Power salute? Kish Mir In Tuchas!
Tell the Soviets, from the moon: Kish Mir In Tuchas!
Every movie archetype, hero, anti-hero, and rebel is just another expression of Mel Blanc’s vanity plate.
And now, we have reached what may be the apotheosis of KMIT with the current crop of state, federal, and national politicians filling every nook and cranny of public life. The election of a particular brand of politician, and the entire raison d'être of MAGA is just another expression of Kish Mir In Tuchas. America is telling the world Kish Mir In Tuchas.
Perhaps Congress should retool our Great Seal with a picture of Bugs Bunny and the motto Kish Mir In Tuchas, or the more crude version in English. But once you make KMIT a feature of our officialdom, then it sort of loses its saltiness. So we shouldn’t do that.
However, I do believe that the one thing Americans can agree on is that we live to be different, to stick it to each other, even when we are trying, as my fellow Christians, to live in unity of spirit. We can’t help but be subversive. We were born to it, and those who move here from other countries quickly catch on. George Washington wasn’t lying when he said a “dirty, mercenary spirit pervades the whole.” Nothing has really changed, except the volume of our shouting.
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Gotta say that you missed a great opportunity when you didn’t title this piece “The Joy of Sects.”
I was tickled when I learned that Yosemite Sam's name is Samuel Rosenbaum.