Cheap Wins on the Cheap

The wins keep piling up in the junk drawer. And what's the dark conspiracy behind Cracker Barrel's face plant?

Let me get this out of the way: I won’t comment on Taylor Swift’s engagement to her helpmate Travis Kelce. I’m sure Travis will make a wonderful wife for her once he retires from the NFL and tends to his long-term TBI. (Seriously, Mazel Tov to the biggest power couple since Charles and Diana. And it’s obvious who wears and pants in that relationship.)

The White House, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Is he in on the joke?

That’s my question, and I don’t think I’ll ever get a real answer, like if Hulk Hogan, up to the moment of his own death, ever broke character. Is President Donald Trump in on the joke that the path to keeping him happy is paved with obsequious sycophants orating sickly sweet soliloquies of his greatness in front of clicking shutters and live newsfeeds? I know it melts the cockles of his heart to hear such things, and also that there is no limit to his ability to absorb praise, affected or actual. But does he know it’s mostly done in service of manipulation to keep him happy? Is he in on the kayfabe? Or does it matter in the end? I guess maybe not, as long as we’re entertained.

The president has some cheap wins to display today. Like his six-figure price tab tourbillon watch, which is a high markup for $13,000 of gold and some middling grade diamonds set with a $79 Seagull knockoff movement.

First: Cracker Barrel, yes, that bastion of conservative values and cheap knock-offs, has folded like the seats on top of the Green Monster at Fenway Park to let the fat lady get by. The new logo is kaput, and Uncle Hershel now can occupy his spot by the old barrel, pretty much forever. Trump rushed to take credit, as he weighed in on the topic late Tuesday, posting on Truth Social, “Cracker Barrel should go back to the old logo, admit a mistake based on customer response (the ultimate Poll), and manage the company better than ever before.”

 As Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin may have said in 1848, “There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.” The cheapest of wins, for both the Barrel and the White House. I personally find fifties-themed has-been burger joint Steak ‘n Shake’s response to be more interesting than the primary topic.

Someone in control of Steak ‘n Shake’s social media is bucking for a promotion. Or maybe it’s actually Sardar Biglari himself. Biglari Holdings controls the unmopped checkered tile home of greasy smashburgers and frozen shoestring fries, which has been hemorrhaging cash and closing restaurants at a feverish pace while the holding company extracts extra franchise fees with every order. What’s more interesting is that Biglari bought 4.7 million shares of Cracker Barrel in 2011, and currently owns just under 10 percent of the company. When the Barrel lost a giant chunk of market value after the logo reveal, Biglari suffered some freezer burn.

“Fire the CEO!” has been Biglari’s chant on Cracker Barrel for at least a decade, having been rebuffed time after time by its board and shareholders. Maybe he’ll get his way now. Oh, and Biglari was a big Trump backer in 2024 (thanks to The Verge for its priceless Bitcoin shlockfest coverage). Honestly, I have to ask myself: did Trump and Biglari cook this whole thing up, to get Cracker Barrel CEO Julie Felss Masimo booted and put Biglari in? I only report such things. Make your own decisions.

Moving on.

In Delhi, they ordered a metric ton of tacos and when it was delivered, they found a truckload of cheap tariff bills. The “chicken man” known as Trump Always Chickens Out, or Gallina Cobarde, if it were a franchise, has not showed up. But the 50 percent tariffs on Indian goods, levied because India buys Russian oil and energy, have kicked in. The New York Times is lamenting all the Indian workers who will be harmed by this policy. You know what? Too bad. I say, good, and it should have been done a few years ago.

Yes, India is titularly a friendly nation to the United States. But India does what’s good for India, not what’s good for the U.S. (or Canada). And Russia benefits greatly from India’s money, some of which is leeched from the U.S. economy at the expense of old ladies and lonely chat users who are fleeced to the tune of $1.3 billion and rising each year. Maybe if India cracked down on the giant pulsing mole of criminal activity growing on its face, and stopped handing cash to Russia, which uses it to attack Ukraine, we could go back to business as normal.

The media mavens say America is hurting itself with the big India tariffs, and Russia is benefitting. India is “reluctantly” going to cut their Russian oil purchases, they say. But they are probably lying. The question is, will Taco show up? For now, we’ll take the cheap win.

Let me add: that win is still tainted by Trump’s glad-handing of Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, as Russian troops continue offensives all across the front in Ukraine. Everything has its price, and saying nice things about Taco usually gets the discount. For once, I’d like to see us follow through and do something about Ukraine, without surrendering hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians to Russian control.

I could go on regarding court battles, some wins, some losses, but mostly stupidity. I do get the impression that many of these things are simply distractions from other stuff that’s more important to the Trump agenda, which is nothing less than complete and utter control of the entire U.S. government, along with most the corporations driving growth in this country. If you don’t know, a centralized state with direct cooperative control of commercial interests has a name in political discourse. You can read about it here. Mussolini wrote:

The liberal century, after piling up innumerable Gordian Knots, tried to cut them with the sword of the world war. Never has any religion claimed so cruel a sacrifice. Were the Gods of liberalism thirsting for blood?

Who could dispute that today? The Gordian Knots that modern progressive liberals have tied are without peer. But Trump’s solution to them is no different, I am afraid, than Mussolini’s. It’s just called MAGA instead of what Il Duce called it.

One more thing. When a Reuters reporter is in the hallway next to an open window occupied by a Hamas sniper, where a camera is mounted with direct view of IDF troops, and that reporter is killed by the IDF response to eliminate the sniper den, should we ask if the reporter is actually a Hamas operative? Are we allowed to ask? Or are we to be like Reuters and be skeptical of anything the IDF claims, while trusting what Hamas says.

It’s well known and documented how Hamas controls media and stages many events for their consumption. It’s also known that there are media stringers, photographers, and sources who do some work for the AP and Reuters who are active Hamas fighters in their “spare time.” Some of them, especially Al Jazeera reporters, participated in October 7. It’s well documented how some stories about Gazan starving children end up using photos of a child with genetic conditions, but the apology is buried after Israel is blamed.

Are we allowed to ask if the IDF is permitted to defend itself while a Reuters reporter is present in a sniper hide where IDF troops are targeted? Are we allowed to question the reporter’s loyalties? If we’re permitted to question American Jews on “dual loyalty” to Israel, can we at least ask if reporters in Gaza who are with Hamas are in fact “with Hamas”?

I think so.

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