Losing my religion: Merrie's story

I understood before, but I don't understand anymore

This is the first of a series about challenges and struggles of faith when church means going to a MAGA rally. We begin with our own contributor Merrie Soltis, who was one of the original conservative cat ladies; the kind who broke for Kamala Harris, egged on by J.D. Vance’s remarks about “childless cat ladies.” She was “Cat Ladies for Kamala” after that. This isn’t about sky-screaming, or performative TikTok posts of crying and yelling at the camera. It’s about very real social situations and expectations and how we cope. —The Editors

I've always felt out of place at my church, you know being a divorced woman and all. Plus I'm one of those childless cat ladies. I don't have a Sunday school class and I don't attend social events, because when I have, I realize that I'm surrounded by MAGAs. Someone told me I should have taken Ivermectin for my Covid. There are an alarming amount of anti vaxxers in my choir. But what really put me over the edge was when MY DEACON started wearing his MAGA hat to church.

Image: DALL-e (ChatGPT 4o)

I told him it made me uncomfortable but he just said "I don't see anything wrong with it." And now I don't want to go back. I'm tired of feeling alienated and being forced to sit there alone biting my tongue. I thought about finding a new church, but as one of my friends so eloquently put it, everything around here is just the first church of MAGA. It's not the pastor. Nothing in his sermons is objectionable. I'm just surrounded by a bunch of people suffering Fox News intoxication. I’m sure there’s a church that would welcome someone like me, but it could be the one that also lets LGBT people minister from the pulpit. I am conservative but unwelcome. Why does everyone have to drag their politics into church?

Unfortunately, the bigger problem is that Trumpism has eaten the American church. Some 80 percent of evangelicals voted for Trump. So wherever I go, the church will be a majority Trump voters. In 2016, I understood. It was all about abortion. Conservative Christians have poured 50 years into eliminating abortion and they were going to side with the R no matter what. But most of the people I knew found him distasteful. And in 2020, I understood. He was the president, he gave us the judges, things had mostly stayed on the rails, and the economy HAD been pretty good until Covid.

But 2024? I don’t “understand” anymore. Trump has flat out said he won't sign an abortion ban. He criticized Florida's six-week ban. When asked on election day if he voted for it, he bit the reporter’s head off. He took the pro-life language out of the Republican party platform and told the objectors to go pound sand. He filled the convention with a tattooed Onlyfans influencer and professional wrestlers. But Franklin Graham still participated. The religious right is about to get eaten by the leopards, and it will serve them right.

I agree with something Susan Bagwell wrote Sunday: the worst part about Trump will be his destruction of the church. It's a good thing I'm already saved, because if I weren't I would look at the adoring throngs of MAGAs claiming he is God's anointed and conclude that I want no part of that. Until recently, when liberals questioned how Christians could support such a man, I always answered “abortion.” But now, I got nothing. Abortion is going to stay legal. So is gay marriage. We lost something way more important though.

I'm sure if I talk to my pastor he'll reassure me that EVERYONE is welcome at his church. My beef isn’t with him. He's never said anything that would indicate to me that he's on board with all of this. But he’s very pro-life. I watched last Sunday’s service online and he made zero mention of the election. He's either unaware that a lot of his congregants have bought into the brainwashing, or he knows it and he's just trying to deal with it as best he can without driving people away. He’s not the only pastor facing that conflict. At least he's not actively promoting it, which is about the most I could hope for in these parts.

What’s even more depressing is that everyone I’ve shared this with has come to the same conclusion: I need to find another church. But there ISN'T another church around here. You know my good friend lives close to me and he doesn’t have a church home either. He's been looking longer than I have and has come to that conclusion. He’s visited my church on several occassions and apparently brought his son to Halloween. I asked him once why he hasn’t joined and he said he didn't think his wife would be comfortable there. He didn’t elaborate and I didn’t press. So, my only choices are to join the mega church my BFF goes to—which seems nice!—they have women ministers and a Starbucks in the lobby. They had a service on Tuesday to pray for our country. The pastor made a point that all were welcome and it wasn't about one side or the other.

But joining them means giving up choir and being part of a huge crowd. Or, I could join some ultra-liberal church and get sucked into their heresy. Or, I could make the 90-minute round trip back to my old church. I could sit with my old neighbor and I wouldn't be alone anymore. Or, I can stay where I am and keep doing what I've been doing. Or, I can just quit going altogether. Those are my options.

It’s not like the MAGAs would welcome me if they knew who I voted for, or they’d understand why I feel that way. The reason these church people wear MAGA hats and share conspiracy theories is because they’re doing fan service while dancing on the political graves of everyone (“them!”) who couldn’t stomach putting a felon—who was up for many more felonies—in the White House so he could pardon himself and all his biggest fans. The pastor might welcome me, but if he ever said a word against Trump from the pulpit, well, he wouldn’t be pastor for long. And they look at me with suspicion, like I’m one of them.

It’s not church any more when just going inside means you have to deal with that kind of crowd.

I remember hearing how back in 2016 Erick Erickson had to change churches because his wife and daughter kept hearing remarks about Trump being disinvited from Erick’s gathering. I have read David French’s story of how he’d been driven out of churches, and had conference invitations rescinded, because he stands against Trump. Erickson turned and became a reluctant Trump man. French remains opposed.

Russell Moore was the head of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention in 2016, until he was forced out by MAGAs. His successor, Brent Leatherwood, was fired a day after offering praise to President Joe Biden in 2022, after only six months in the job. Oh, the message is really clear to pastors: it’s MAGA or your job. But to people like me, in the pews, the message is, keep quiet and don’t make waves, or get out.

Seems like a strange way to win souls and make disciples. Seems like a great way to turn a church into a political cult. And it’s a sad way to lose my religion.

Comments, add them down below. Do you have a story to share? Share your story to theracketnews@gmail.com. I am sure some people will think Merrie’s story is one of being too sensitive, of thin-skinned judgement. You don’t know Merrie; she is a strong woman. You don’t know how many others are quietly dealing with what others have publicly suffered for—their vote and political opinion—at church. Share your story and I promise we’ll read it and it might end up as a post here. —Steve

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